A special article written by our friend Andreas from SurvivingU. We all enjoy seeing a good fight, that’s why the UFC has become the fastest growing sport of our generation. We also enjoy seeing two completely mismatched foes pitted against one another at a bar, in someone’s backyard, or in a classroom. However more than that, what truly makes us sit up and look on in awe at the computer screen is when someone, out of nowhere, get’s ktfo’d at McDonalds or on the court of an NBA game for no apparent reason.
Here are the top 9 sucker punches that`ll make you feel bipolar by the time you view them all:
9. Friend let’s friend knock him out.
This isn’t so much a sucker punch as it is a lesson to all the bros out there who get their courage from a bottle.
Element of Surprise -1 – it doesn’t matter how drunk you are, how big you are, or how weak or small the other guy is, never let anyone have a free swinging shot at your chin. You will go down. You will go unconscious, limp, and maybe even piss your pants. Worse, someone will be recording it as it happens, and you will end up on the internet, forever remembered –which is not always a good thing.
Effectiveness- 8 – for a smaller guy that had to swing up to hit the sucker on the chin he sure did pack a lot of power. For a big guy who promised that no one was getting knocked the fuck out, he sure did get knocked the fuck out.
8. Rudy Tomjanovich getting ko’d by Kermit Washington in a 1977 NBA game
.
Element of Surprise – 6 – Rudy ran into his fist. Even though he was coming to break up the fight he should have known better not to run directly at a black man that tall wearing shorts that short.
Effectiveness – 10 – It looks like a normal knockout with a possible concussion or something along those lines. No big deal. Until you read the diagnosis- “The blow shattered the bones of Tomjanovich’s jaw and face and inflicted life-threatening head injuries, leaving him sidelined for five months. Besides having the bone structure of his face detached from his skull and suffering a cerebral concussion and broken jaw and nose, he was leaking blood and spinal fluid into his skull capsule. His skull was fractured in such a way that Tomjanovich could taste the spinal fluid leaking into his mouth.”
Lesson to be learned – when your friends are getting beaten silly by a group of athletic black men, it’s better to stay away.
7. What happens when you wear a tank top that tight and that gay.
Follow the puncher`s eyes, he locked onto his target like a heat seeking missile.
Element of Surprise – 5 – so you`re trying to start shit in a basement full of guidos? It`s not hard to see that he`s the Where`s Waldo of the party with his buzzed haircut lacking gel and tight t-shirt.
Effectiveness – 6 – the punch was loud but he got up right away, although he did get stomped on by the mob as he tried to go get out. Yet even they couldn’t keep him down. He walked away from the melee on his own two feet.
Lesson learned - You start a fight with one guido, you start a fight with all of them. If you`ve been knocked down to the floor, people who have nothing to do with the fight will come by and kick you, you know, for shits and gigs.
EMBED-Sucker Punch - Watch more free videos
6. Doesn’t matter how old you are- there`s no respect for your elders anymore
Element of Surprise – 10 - when you`re in your mid 60s and you decide to stop off at the local McDicks after a hockey game the last thing you expect is to get ko`d and then robbed while you`re waiting for your order of McNuggets and Diet Coke. I guess it`s true what they say, fast food is bad for your health.
Effectiveness – 7 - he swung at him as if he was pitching a fast ball. Yet, 13 stiches, a black eye, and sore left side of the head later, the old man was able to joke about it, exclaiming to the news station, “that wasn’t on the menu.“
Lesson Learned - Better to use the drive thru after sunset.
5. Fat kid with baseball bat knocking out dude.
EMBED-Wicked Sucker Punch - Watch more free videos
Element of Surprise – 7 – the sucker was standing toe-2-toe with a chubby kid who was holding a baseball bat in a wife beater and carpis jorts. WTF did he think was going to happen?
Effectiveness – 9 - he was sleeping as a soon as the fist touched his face, and making asphalt angles as soon as his head came crashing down to the pavement. I’m surprised the fat kid was nice enough to switch the bat into his non punching hand before laying him out.
Lesson learned - there’s always a silver lining to everything. Sure, he suffered permanent brain damage and his savage knockout has been viewed by millions online, but at least he was able to avoid a bat-beating.
4. Awakening the sleeping beast
EMBED-KO by Super Quick Sucker Punch - Watch more free videos
Element of Surprise – 6 – even though the tormentor did assume that he “ain`t gonna do nuttin,“
what else should you expect when you play with someone`s hair and tease them as they`re having a relaxing nap in class.
Effectiveness – 8 – he looked dead. one second he`s tormenting the kid, the next he`s laying motionless on the floor.
Lesson learned - Don`t disturb people`s sleep.
3. It’s hard to see them at night
Element of Surprise – 10!!! – There he was in his wife beater, puffing out his chest, towering over the smaller guy, confident in the ass kicking he was about to dish out, when the black superhero came out of nowhere and laid his ass out.
Effectiveness – 7 – he did the bobble head thing before going down, but he wasn’t knocked out cold. Although he was knocked down stupid.
Lesson learned - be wary of the shirtless black guy lurking around at night.
2 . Why racism and stereotypes exist
Element of Surprise – 7 - I`m sure when the driver wakes up out of his coma, he`ll tell the officer, “I don’t know what happened… One minute I was waiting for my friend to get some 40s, the next I was unconscious.“ I, on the other hand saw that shit coming as soon as he didn’t comply with the gentleman’s request to vacate the parking space. Their beating of a lifetime was sealed when the driver called him Papi.
Effectiveness – 10 - That was one of the most brutal beatdowns ever recorded. The man ended up unconscious and snoring as he got robbed.
Lesson Learned – When your Asian and in your mothers station wagon parked in the “hood” it`s best to comply with the wishes of thugs. No need to be brave and end up robbed and mentally retarded for the rest of your life. And for fuck sakes don`t call him “Papi“ Real life is not like the movies.
1. Best Sucker Kick ever recorded (Click to view)
Surprise – 10 – the poor guy in the red shirt was minding his own business, taking in the scenery of the park, when a member of the Cobra Kai landed a tornado kick right on his face.
Effectiveness – 10 – he was out cold. He`s lucky he fell back into some bushes and not onto the pavement where he could have caused himself more brain damage although I`m sure the kick did plenty of that.
Lessons Learned - this video illustrates the most important lesson of all. When everything looks humdrum and someone pulls out a camera phone and focuses it on you, shit`s about to go down.
And… 2 Bonus clips
Don`t kiss a straight man on the lips. Even in a professional fight, you can have a sucker punch.
How does that feel? How can someone so bratty and whiny have that much balls? Fast Forward to the 2 minute mark.
No comments:
Post a Comment